“The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing [about AP].”
–Socrates–
Fellow AP students of Cornerstone,
Pink, vibrant cherry blossoms flutter down the lucid street as the warm, soothing wind breeze across the sunny spring sky to sway the soft, colorful petals of blooming flowers and the leaf-brimmed branches of tall, sturdy trees. The sky is as clear and azure as pellucid seas of sapphire blue. Shimmering sunlight bathes into the earthly abode, where non-AP-taking students savor AP-free time with non-AP activities, including, but not limited to—since the boundaries of play are limitless without APs—paper folding, badminton, and basketball.
Hello, I am a freshman attending Cornerstone. I am not taking any AP exams this year, unlike you, old, AP-taking people. This freedom from all APs is what allows me to actually enjoy my life, which I know you do not—especially during April and May. If truth be told, I really don’t know what all the fuss is about AP exams being hard and all. I took a look at some AP exam materials, and they didn’t look complicated at all. I could, and I say this with complete and utter truth from the bottom of my vigorous, blood-pumping heart, easily score a five out of five in any and all AP courses—without studying! Frankly, I think you’re faking it. I think you make APs seem more intimidatingthan it actually is to receive kudos, sympathy, and—maybe even—attention. But oh, what do I know? Maybe that’s not true! Maybe APs are, indeed, hard—for you. But, wait, APs are easy for me, a freshman. Then that means (gasp) you’re Dazzling, Uplifting, Merry, and Beautiful!
Paper-folding, a meditative exercise that brings tranquility and satisfaction, is time-consuming. Folding pieces of origami requires hours of dedication, time that you do not put in. Oh, I don’t want to hear it. Those excuses are getting old now. Studying AP courses are not as time-consuming or nearly as intellectually challenging as folding intricate origami. The AP Lang course? Ha, what a joke! How hard can it be to memorize some words? And AP math courses? Also a joke. Is it that difficult to fiddle with some numbers? I could go on, but you get what I mean.
Out of pity and compassion for your state of being, I write this solemn poem that dwells on the two types of AP students: one who is indolent and one who is geeky.
O’ Pitiful One
O’, pitiful you! What woe I feel for you all!
You, who are idle
And you, who are geeky
A blazing inferno that is AP
An inferno that depletes zeal
O’ pitiful you, may God in Heaven bless you with all His heart
Because you’ll need it
